sometimes I get sick of this whole “learn to love yourself” business
and I just want to curse and scream and pout and eat ice cream until I feel sick, because fucking hell I want somebody else to love me. Other people have a family or a best friend or something. I have, um, cats. Great.
Don’t tell me to love myself in the same breath you’re telling me you don’t want to talk to me, asshole. Fuck. Healing sucks. Old feelings suck. I stuffed them down for a reason, dammit.
Sometimes I think “love yourself first” is just cheap bullshit people say to make you stop whining and go away so they can get back to their stupid TV shows or whatever thing they care about more than they care about you.
Then I see people who love themselves and damn, they glow. I want that. But I don’t know how. I’ve spent my whole fucking life being directly or indirectly told I’m not worth shit. Sometimes I get “I don’t love you, not that you’re not lovable, but no one’s going to love you until you love yourself, only ha ha the more you love yourself the more I’m going to pull this ‘I need space’ crap and make you feel like the lowest piece of shit on earth because I won’t even give you the time of day now”. Real fucking cute.
If *you* can’t force yourself to love me then why do you expect *me* to force myself to love me? I’ve been a lot better to you than I’ve been to me, after all. If you don’t love me - even as a friend now - then why should I?
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